just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
