I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
