erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize