but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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