He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
