do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
