your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
