you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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