I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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