Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
