you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
