You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
