Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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