He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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