Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
