wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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