about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
