I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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