he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
