Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
