the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
