DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
