just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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