im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
