The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
