I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
