i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
