I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
