too bad you live with your parents still
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
