I murdered the dance floor call the cops
even my farts smell like vagina
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
