I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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