the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
