Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
