I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're too hungover to prance.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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