Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
