Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They took my balls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
