Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
