And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
