Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
