She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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