Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
