the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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