i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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