u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize