you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
