Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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