im about as happy as oj after his trial
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
