Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
