I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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