Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize