the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
