I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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