Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
