so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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