4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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