Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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