Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
