My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
