just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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