I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
