I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am mentally ready for anal.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
