my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
