dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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