I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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