i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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