Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
