Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
