I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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