Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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