it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
