If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
