I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
