My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
