I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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