I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
