I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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