Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
