just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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