He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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