I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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