My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
